Sunday, August 26, 2007

My Birthday Today, Poop and Scary boys - What a day!

Today is my birthday. I'm not big on celebrating my birthday or anything, but I did hope to have a nice day. And I did. I'm on a diet, so no birthday cake or excess calories that will bring guilt to me tomorrow.

The teens took me out for the afternoon and we left Toddle-Pants and Daddy at home. The girls and I went to get pedicures! Ooooh, nice! It was really nice. So good to be pampered. Who knew spending $70 on your toes could make you feel so wonderful! So, the three of us have very pretty toes now. Woo hooo! Then we went shopping for some pretty sandals to show off my pretty toes. Found a couple of pairs of capri pants too. I always want more of those since I tend to get food, boogers, slobber, and other misc goo wiped or hugged onto my legs. It was a wonderful afternoon with my girls.

But just before we left for our nice afternoon, we had a little poop crisis. Warning: Stop reading this post now! The rest is just disgusting! I am not responsible for any reaction you might have while reading the rest of this post!

So.. I'm changing Gracie's diaper earlier today.... it was just a wet diaper, no big deal. Then the phone rang, so I let her "air out" while I chatted on the phone for a few minutes.

While she's running around with a nakid butt, Daddy let her and the dog out. He didn't know she was going commando. He's out there tinkering with the grill that isn't working today, Gracie is playing in her dirt spot under the orange tree with "balls" (oranges), and Sandy is taking a crap under the trampoline. Fine, I'm on the phone.

After a bit, here comes Gracie running in. She has dog poop all over her foot! Ewwww! She stepped in it!!! And she has a muddy hand. Mud? Where would she find mud to play in? Ewww, that's poop too!!! GROSS!!! Then I realize... I never finished diapering her. oh no, please no!

Oh Yes! it's HER poop! She pooped in her dirt spot and then picked it up and gave it a good squeeze! Ewww! Yuck, I'll scoop up the yard later she needs a bath now! I yelled at the dog cuz the dog was sniffing her poo. Ok, that's just gross.

I hauled her upstairs for a bath. She had poop on her legs and her foot and hand were totally disgusting! After a nice bath with lots of soap and water and scrubbing, I have a clean girl again! Lets get that diaper on, shall we?

Clean diaper, clean clothes, yippee! Now I just need to go clean up the yard. It's time anyway, I haven't scooped up dog turds for a couple of days. Bad, I know. So, I went out to scoop, and Whaaah? Where are Gracie's turds? They're gone!

I ask the grill master... did you go out and scoop up her turds? Thinking, he should have scooped up the dog schite too! Why would he only clean up her poop and not the dog poop? Men are weird. He says "No, I didn't". Me: "What? Please tell me you did, cuz they're gone! Gracie's poop is missing!" Keith: "Oh, No! Oh, Gross! That stupid dog!"

The dog ate Gracie's poop!!!!

While I'm carrying out the sack of dog crap that I picked up... since the dog doesn't eat her own schite, just Gracie's. You should know that we have the zero lot lines which is how I met Lexie's scary friend. I have to come in the house with my sack of dog turds and go out the front door to take it out. So, I open the front door and some ugly teenage kid is standing right there with his hand up to knock!

I screamed!
I jumped!
I yellled!! Oh My God!!!

The poor kid was here to see Lexie, and I screamed in his face. I didn't know he was there and he really startled me! My ever so easily amused husband starts laughing so hard he just might pee his pants and the kid looks frightened, very frightened. I said to him... "You scared Me!"

So then I yelled to Lexie, since I'd already made a fool of myself, "your scary friend is here!" The whole time, I'm holding a bag of poop.


Kayla J said...

Heeheehee! SOunds like you had a wonderful b-day. Sorry I couldn't read your blog sooner. Stupid work.

((HUGS)) to you for a belated birthday!

B. Fred said...

It sounds like a great day! Poo, included, it's just one of the joys of motherhood. Right?