Monday, September 3, 2007

Holiday

Today is Labor Day, a holiday. This is my definition of holiday:


hol i day
- /noun/

1. a day when the Mom of the family works extra hard as the entire family is home from work and school. Longer hours are expected of the family matriarch.

2. customarily a time of excessive manual labor for every Mom. Extra burdens are sometimes called "family outings" in which the mom plans, organizes, executes, and cleans up after a long day of hauling her family's belongings around an amusement park, beach, or fair on a record-breaking hot day.

3. a holy day in which the family gathers for a feast, a feast prepared solely by the Mom after cleaning the house six times while chasing the children and keeping up with their messes before guests arrive to judge her housekeeping skills, while Dad relaxes in his lazyboy in front of a televised sporting event. The feast is then followed by a bigger mess than ever that Mom alone tackles, as it is a holiday after all.

/verb/
4. to vacation. A period of travel in which the Mom becomes not only the organizer and beast of burden, but also must extend her holiday duties for days on end without ever eating a healthy meal or sleeping more than 4 hours in a comfortable bed. Added duties are keeping the Dad calm while he is lost and maintaining peace and tranquility between the siblings during long boring travels. Mom also competes in vacation sporting events such as "strapping the children in carseats" and "pump gas, wipe the windows, and take the children into the creepy gas station to pee".

Synonyms for Dad: to take a break, to relax. Synonyms for Mom: slave labor, to loose one's mind, insanity

7 comments:

Optimistic Lady said...

I feel your pain. Whenever I am off work for a holiday or on vacation, I have to take a few days to recuperate from all my hard labor.

Mary said...

Wow - I'm having a pretty good reaction to my little definition post! My husband posted it on a news site and I am quickly becoming anonymously famous.

http://www.shoutwire.com/comments/92332/The_Female_Definition_of_Holiday_

It's also on someone's myspace already. I'll find it and post the link later.

Manic Mom said...

I told everyone today that Mommy's holiday will be tomorrow (TUESDAY!) when everyone is back to work and school!

Cute post, keep going. Found you on Because I Said SO!

Manic Mom said...

Mary, just read your comment at Manic Mom's--HILARIOUS!! Mating with a jalepeno--now that's HOT!

And I sooo have to try tobasco popcorn for Ajers, he will LOVE it... anything other than tobasco on popcorn to making it?

Ps said...

Oh yes--I couldnt agree with you more!!

Steve and Alicia said...

WOW!! so true! that was me yesterday planning the outing, trip, cleaning, and cooking.

a big "MMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOO" to you!! We gotta keep in touch!

alicia

B. Fred said...

Oh my God, does this not sound like the typical role of a mother. Most Father's never seem to get it (sorry hubby). It's not precisely what the other family members think about you if you appear not to be prepared, it's also how your immediate family members feel if everything does not run smoothly.