Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Lovely Afternoon at the DMV

I've written about my DMV experiences before, once again, the experience was far more interesting than it should have been.

I should have gone to the DMV in January, but my procrastination skills are stellar and I just went to register Lexie's car that we bought for her last winter. California gives you 20 days to license your vehicle that you bring in from out of state. I guess I chose the 20 days in September, hahaha, I crack myself up! Being this late to register the car, there will be a hefty penalty. I'm prepared. I have my checkbook and I've pre-consoled it for the deadly blow that it will endure.

I asked a friend to babysit so that I wouldn't have to take the runts to the DMV. I can't think of a yuckier place to take your kids. The place is boring, crowded and dirty. I am doing a babysitting swap with a cute little new mommy and so I called in a favor and she came over and brought her baby to play for the afternoon.

I drove Lexie's car, for the first time, all the way across town to the DMV. When I got there I was sweating like mad because the car doesn't have air conditioning and it was over 100 degrees out! So Hot! Of course there wasn't an open parking spot anywhere near the place. I circled and circled and finally parked a block away and hiked in the heat.

Inside the DMV there was a line to get to the first desk where you get a number so you can wait. The line was L-O-N-G. The line went from the front desk out into the foyer where it looped around and went back into the building, turned a corner and went halfway across the first row of seats for people waiting. When you enter the foyer from outside, you step right into the middle of the line as it looped through the foyer area and 20 people yell at you to go to the end of the line.

After very slowly snaking my way to the front desk to get my number, I was told that I needed to have my vehicle inspected by the DMV inspector first. So, do that and come back for a number. Ugh. Ok.

I hiked back to the car and drove it up to the backside of the DMV where the inspector does her thing. I should have driven the beast through a car wash first. Oh well. The inspector looks at the car title and compares the VIN number, checks the sticker on the door and walks around the car once. Too hot for much more than a very quick glance, she signs my paper and she races back in before she fries to a crisp. So I get back in the oven on wheels and do the parking lot dance again. Around and around and Lucky Me! There's a spot! In the shade! Double Bonus!!! This never happens!

Maybe I got a great parking spot because I have to snake my way through the line twice just to get a number. I went in, got yelled at for cutting in line, found the end of the line, snaked my way around, yelled at someone for cutting in line when he came in - hey, I gotta do my part - and finally got up to the front of the line. B215. That's me. Yippee, a number! Took me over an hour to get this, and now... I just need to find a filthy plastic chair to sit in to wait for my turn at the registration desk.

Looks like I'll have plenty of time to kill. They are calling B143. I found an icky chair and made myself as comfy as, well, as comfy as it gets in the DMV waiting area. Which isn't saying much!

Unbelievably, I forgot to bring a book. How on earth could I neglect to bring a book! I have no kids and an afternoon of just sitting and I knew that when I left the house! I must be losing my mind.


What a great opportunity to people-watch. Lets just see who is at the DMV today...

There is the smelly guy sitting right next to me. Wonder when was the last time he showered; it certainly wasn't this week!


I spy a lady with salsa on her shirt. Let's just assume it is a blob of salsa and not let our imagination get carried away, ok! I'm kind of glad to see her walking around with her lunch dribbled on her shirt, now I know I'm not the only one to be obliviously wandering around out in public wearing a dollop of dip. Not today though, I actually wore a clean shirt to the DMV. What was I thinking?


Then I saw a nice looking lady, older than me by 10 or 12 yrs at least so she had to be in her 50s. She was clean and she was wearing a bright colored shirt and some high heel flip flop sandals. Yes, lady, that is a shirt, not a dress. Put some pants on! If your dress is too short to cover your bum, but it seems too long to be a shirt, it automatically defaults to shirt.

There's a guy who brought his little annoying bored hyper dirty-faced kid. Ugh.


Pretty shirt wearing lady found someone to talk to, dressed like a hooker girl. Really, was she taking offers at the DMV? What a place to dress like that! The hair and makeup and fancy skimpy clothes. Yowza.


Maybe I should turn my head the other way and see who is over on that side of the room. Yikes.


Oh, yeah. There he is. Mr. Excitement. Or, Ms? There was a Drag Queen standing there pretty as a picture. Obviously a man, he was dressed like a lady. And a pretty lady at that. Nails and hair all done up and glittery, short little dress and heels. Cute purse, really, I did like his clutch bag! I'm starting to think I should bring my camera to the DMV.

B 187. Sigh.

Behind me, there seems to be some excitement. In full spectator mode now, I turn around to watch the show. Ack! A lady is passed out! She's slumped in her chair and her head is leaning on the wall! She looks like she's in her 60s and her (I assume) daughter is holding her up and fanning her face with a driving handbook. A crowd is gathering in the corner and the daughter is saying "She's fine, she's fine, leave her alone, no, don't call 911, she's just fine!"

The daughter shoves some candy in the unconscious woman's mouth. Yeah, like she can chew it. Someone else, a big round man wearing a Dunkin' Donuts shirt, not kidding, he hands the daughter some diabetic pills, some sort of quick dissolving sugar I think. The daughter shoves those in the passed out woman's face.

Now a DMV worker comes out from across the counter and says she will call 911. Daughter again freaks out and starts yelling for everyone to leave her alone her mama is just fine. Honey, she doesn't look fine! So the husband/father appears now and he says to the daughter to get her up and take her outside to the car. The woman is unconscious!

The woman starts coming around and she's very very groggy and cannot yet support her own weight. The father and daughter try to get her up but its a no-go. The DMV lady brings out a rolling office chair and the big guy and someone else help scoop the lady into the chair on wheels. The father and daughter wheel her outside and next thing you now, the office chair comes back in.

I guess they put her in their car and went on their way. Oh, no, I was wrong. Daughter comes back in and the DMV lady waits on her to get her business done so they won't have to come back. The daughter keeps saying, "It's just diabetes, she's fine". The crowd seems disturbed. And now I realize I was just being a spectator and could have called 911 but I didn't. I sure hope she's ok and gets her diabetes under control.


Wow. I'm going to quit watching people. This place is too freaking weird!

B215!!! Me!!! Yay!!! I resist the urge to jump up and cheer, and I just slowly saunter over to Window 5. Oddly, it's the first window. Wonder where windows one through four are?

I handed the guy all of my paperwork and he didn't say a word to me. Doesn't he need to know what I want? So, I decide to just offer up my wishes for California license plates and make it easier on him. I want outa there, I'll help if I can. "I am here to get California license plates". "uh-huh, ok". There, that must have been very helpful.

He never looks at me, just types into his computer and flings my papers on his desk after he looks at them one by one. You know, I took very good care of my pile of documents and the guys just flings them. He finally looks at me and says, "When did you bring the car into California?" As instructed by the not-so-honest hubby, I lie, "August". The guy says, "I waived the penalty but next time you only have 20 days". "Ok, thanks". Whew! I paid the guy for the registration and he handed me an envelope with license plates.

Yippee! Success! Mission Accomplished in just one short trip to the DMV! I was only there for a little more than 3 hours! Wow!!!


Donna said...

Remind me to go potty BEFORE I read your blog. I felt like I was there. :) How funny and so true!

Wolfpak5 said...

This is one reason why I love my small town. To renew my plates, I just have to walk downstairs, pay for my tags and away I go. Five minutes tops. When we need new plates, it probably takes 10 minutes. Sounds like you need a scam like that woman with the "sick" mother. They were probably laughing the whole time, no wonder they didn't want anyone to call 9-1-1.